I admit, when Jay and I first started dating, I wanted to seem a lot more interesting than I really am. I definitely was more laid back and "go with the flow." I was always up for new adventures and taking risks. Sneaking into the wrong (but closer) section to the field at the Yankees game. Walking into the VIP of just about any venue. On the outside I seemed cool and collected, on the inside I was paranoid as hell that we would get caught. But I did it anyway because I wanted to impress my man.
If Jay asked me tomorrow to sneak into anything, even a movie theater - I would deflect. And probably cause a scene if he tried to force me. He knows how I am now, and nothing inside of me has really changed. I'm just letting him see how I really feel. The real me. Without my hidden agenda of keeping the cool factor.
This exact thought really got me rationalizing - who are the people we fall in love with? Are are we ourselves but in a different form? My friend tells me, "It's like Chris Rock says - we begin by dating a representative of the person." And you know what? I actually agree. There is too much at risk in the beginning. You don't want to freak that person out because maybe you're a little OCD about locking the apartment door as soon as you get in the house. Maybe you like peeing with the bathroom door open, regardless of the time. Maybe you insist on checking to make sure the door is locked before going to bed. Even if you're husband says it's locked and assures you it IS locked. We don't show all of our habits because we don't want to scare men away. And if that's just us, do men do this too? I will more than likely ask my husband later today, but I can almost guarantee that they do..
I just want to note this disclaimer if my husband reads this - Jay - I am who I say I am. It's not that I've changed, I've just let you see every side of me. I'm sure there are things you kept from me in the beginning as well, and that is OK. We probably wouldn't be here, 4 years later (one of which being married, well, almost one year in September) if we didn't keep those little nuisances to ourselves. You first met me as a 22 year old girl, who is now a 27 year old woman. I've been through quite a bit in my life and I knew what I wanted. And that is you. So either you take this creepily or hopefully love me more. In the end, you have me, along with the good and the bad, and most certainly the true me.
Here's a throwback (note the timestamp) of a time where I'm sure we cut a few lines to get into the bar at the W in Hoboken, NJ. ;)